Most of us spend our lives preparing for careers, raising families, and planning for retirement. But how many of us prepare for becoming elders?
Glenn Harper believes we should.
As founder of the Elderhood Senior Alliance, facilitator of Elderhood Roundtables, organizer of Death Cafés throughout Thurston County, and a member of the Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging Advisory Council, Glenn has spent years helping people rethink what it means to grow older. Rather than seeing later life as a period of decline, he views it as an opportunity for wisdom, purpose, connection, and honest conversations about life's final chapter. We sat down with Glenn to discuss aging, and why he believes our communities need to embrace it more openly.
The word elderhood isn't one most people hear every day. What does it mean to you, and why did you choose that word instead of simply saying "aging" or "retirement"?
Glenn: Elder is a word that conveys wisdom and respect, as opposed to the word old, which often carries connotations of frailty, weakness, and being past one's prime. Elderhood is an aspirational stage of life in which one strives to make the most of the sunset years and demonstrate what a graceful, dignified final chapter can look like to younger people who may fear aging and death.
Elderhood can also be understood as a community of people bound by a common role, similar to knighthood, priesthood, motherhood, or brotherhood. As we age, we need to stay engaged with our communities to find connection and purpose. We lose friends and family through the natural process of life. Making new friends in elderhood who share many of the experiences we've lived helps keep life interesting.
Many people fear getting older. What do you think they're really afraid of?
Glenn: Many things: loss of beauty, loss of strength, loss of status, loss of earning ability, loss of relevance, and fear that they won't achieve their goals. All of these losses are real, but living in fear of them doesn't have to be.
You often talk about elderhood as something we grow into, rather than something that simply happens with age. What separates someone who is merely older from someone who has become an elder?
Glenn: In my view, elderhood is accepting the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.
In fairy tales, children survive a perilous adventure and then live "happily ever after." An elder's tale would acknowledge that after the adventures, they grew old and died—which, if we're fortunate, is the best-case scenario.
Wisdom is living in accordance with the fact that we are mortal and that each of us has an ending coming. Given that reality, do we want to spend our remaining time trying to maintain, protect, and defend the comfort of an inevitably dissolving body? Or do we use what remains of our strength to make the final chapter of our story one of love, beauty, compassion, and service?
Loneliness has become one of the biggest public health concerns for older adults. Why do you think so many people become isolated as they age, and what can communities do differently?
Glenn: Our society is highly mobile, so we no longer have many village-like communities where lifelong relationships naturally develop. The fastest-growing religious affiliation is "none," so fewer people participate in communities of faith. Entertainment is piped directly into our homes, making it easy to stay inside and let the world come to us instead of getting out into the community and meeting our neighbors.
I often meet people who have lost spouses who were their primary—or only—human connection for decades. When you've relied on one person as your main source of love and companionship, it can be incredibly difficult to push through grief and walk into a room where you don't know anyone. Your social skills may even feel rusty from disuse. But it's worth the effort if you want to find quality of life after such a profound loss.
Beyond creating welcoming places like senior centers and library programs, I'd encourage everyone to do something simple: when you see an older person, make eye contact and smile. Let them feel seen. Let them know they matter.
The Elderhood Roundtables have become a welcoming place for people to share experiences of aging. What have participants taught you that surprised you?
Glenn: I wouldn't say I've been surprised, but what I love most is how naturally kind and supportive everyone is toward one another. The divisiveness of our times is left outside the room. Older adults sometimes have a reputation for being cantankerous, but that hasn't been my experience. The people who come to Elderhood Roundtables consistently demonstrate generosity, compassion, and genuine concern for one another.
You organize Death Cafés, which might sound intimidating to people who've never attended one. What actually happens at a Death Café?
Glenn: We gather over light refreshments while having a group-led conversation about our thoughts, feelings, and experiences relating to death. There's nothing for sale, no presentations, no agenda, and no conclusions we're trying to reach. It's simply a welcoming space to talk about something that is universally relevant, yet rarely discussed in everyday social settings.
Why do you think talking openly about death often makes people appreciate life more?
Glenn: I keep threatening to make a T-shirt that sums it up perfectly:
LIFE
It's a limited-time offer.
Act now while supplies last!
Have you noticed people's attitudes change over the course of a Death Café? Are there conversations that stay with you?
Glenn: I think attending a Death Café can be a little like being a child who's afraid there's a monster hiding under the bed. The fear remains until you summon the courage to look underneath and discover there's nothing there waiting to harm you.
As long as people spend their lives trying to deny, outwit, or somehow defeat death, they're investing energy in something impossible. Death cannot be avoided. The sooner we come to peace with that reality, the sooner we can begin living with greater purpose and meaning.
Our culture celebrates youth, productivity, and independence. Do you think we're missing something by overlooking older adults?
Glenn: Absolutely. I'd love to see the messages in our media promote the idea that aging is the future for us all. It's in everyone's interest to make that future a pleasant place to live.
If you could change one misconception people have about aging, what would it be?
Glenn: I suspect some younger people look at older adults with their drooping bodies and sagging skin and wonder, "What's the point? Why would you even want to keep living?"
That's a shallow perspective based solely on appearances. I often joke that it's a shame that just when we finally become comfortable in our own skin, it starts to sag.
What I've discovered is that being freed from spending a third of my waking hours working for someone else has given me the opportunity to pursue activities that reflect who I truly am, rather than what happens to generate profit for someone else.
What advice would you give someone who has just retired and suddenly finds themselves wondering, "Now what?"
Glenn: Go to a senior center, library program, or anywhere older adults gather.
There's a kind of magic that happens when two people make eye contact and genuinely connect by sharing their stories. When we make ourselves available to one another through kind, compassionate listening, we discover connection and purpose—sometimes even more deeply than we experienced during our so-called "productive" years.
If you could encourage younger people to start preparing for elderhood today—not financially, but emotionally and socially, what would you tell them?
Glenn: Confucius said we all have two lives, and the second one begins when we realize we only have one.
No matter how old we are, we're all just one burst blood vessel, one accident, or one diagnosis away from leaving this world. Make the most of the time you've been given.
Seek out elders but also spend time with older people who may not have adjusted well to this stage of life. Elders can inspire us. Those who are struggling can serve as cautionary examples of the mental traps we should strive to avoid.
You spend a great deal of time helping others navigate aging. What has this work taught you about how you hope to grow older?
Glenn: To me, the trick to aging well is to gracefully surrender the gifts of youth, be grateful for what remains, and stay curious about what's still to come.
Looking ahead ten or twenty years, what would success look like for the Elderhood movement?
Glenn: I'd love to see Elderhood Roundtables become as common around the world as Death Cafés.
The image of a wise sage meditating alone on a mountaintop is romantic, but I'd rather see elders gathering regularly to learn from one another, support one another, and strengthen the communities in which they live.
Finally, what gives you hope?
Glenn: The certain knowledge that good ideas, once shared, send beneficent ripples throughout the world, and through time.
A Final Thought
As our conversation came to a close, one thing became clear: Glenn isn't simply encouraging people to grow older, he's inviting them to become elders. In his view, aging is not just about adding years to our lives, but about discovering new ways to contribute, connect, and find meaning in the years we have. It's an invitation that belongs not only to today's older adults, but to all of us, because if we're fortunate, elderhood is a journey we'll someday share.
About Glenn Harper
Glenn Harper is the founder of the Elderhood Senior Alliance, whose mission is to create spaces where older adults can connect, support one another, and remain engaged in their communities for as long as possible. He facilitates Elderhood Roundtables and Death Cafés throughout Thurston County and serves on the Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging Advisory Council. His work focuses on reducing isolation, encouraging meaningful conversations about aging and mortality, and helping people approach later life with wisdom, compassion, and purpose.
Read More from Glenn Harper
If Glenn's perspective on aging resonated with you, you can read more of his reflections in his weekly column, "This Week in Elderhood," published on The JOLT News website. Through personal stories and thoughtful observations, Glenn invites readers to rethink aging, find meaning in life's later chapters, and see elderhood as a time of continued growth and connection.
Recent columns include:
- “Old People Are Cool” – A celebration of the resilience, generosity, and unique perspectives that older adults bring to our communities. It’s also a reminder that aging is something to embrace rather than fear.
- "Harvest Gold" – A thoughtful meditation on the richness that can come from the later seasons of life and the unexpected gifts that accompany growing older.
Continue the Journey at Your Library
One of the themes that emerged throughout our conversation with Glenn was the importance of staying connected—to other people, to new ideas, and to lifelong learning. At the Lacey Timberland Library, we're proud to offer a variety of programs that help older adults do just that.
Whether you're looking for meaningful conversations, creative expression, gentle movement, or simply a welcoming place to spend time with others, there's something for everyone. Visit our online events calendar for upcoming dates, times, and even more programs at the Lacey Library.
Some of our ongoing programs include:
- Elderhood Roundtable – Join Glenn Harper and fellow community members for thoughtful conversations about aging, purpose, and the many experiences of elderhood. Fourth Tuesdays at 1 pm (starting in September).
- Artful Escape: Coloring Relaxation for Adults – Unwind with coloring, conversation, and creativity. First Thursdays at 4 pm.
- Movie Night – Enjoy an evening film featuring a variety of acclaimed, entertaining, and thought-provoking movies. First Thursdays at 5:30 pm.
- Third Tuesday Book Club – Join fellow readers for lively discussions of contemporary fiction and nonfiction. Third Tuesdays at 1 pm.
- The Painted Screen – Explore the lives and works of great artists through beautifully produced documentary films, followed by optional discussion. Third Fridays at 2 pm.
- Chair Yoga & Qigong – Improve balance, flexibility, and well-being through gentle movement with instructor Helen Griffin. Third Saturdays at 2 pm.
- Talk Time – Practice conversational English while meeting people from around the world in a friendly, supportive environment. Every Thursday at 6 pm.
- Tales & Tails: Senior Storytime – Enjoy stories, conversation, and a visit from certified therapy dog Hallie in a warm and welcoming atmosphere.
- Book Arts & Paper Crafts with Belinda Hill – Discover new creative techniques and enjoy the satisfaction of making something by hand.
- Spanish Conversation Circle – Practice speaking Spanish in a relaxed, welcoming group open to learners of all levels.
Libraries have always been places for lifelong learning, but they're also places for lifelong belonging. Whether you're discovering a new hobby, making new friends, learning another language, or simply enjoying an afternoon with a good story and a friendly face, we hope you'll find a community here.
